the best friends you’ll never have

I know, I know–this blog is basically turning into “Greer Bitches About How Dumb Mysteries Are” dot com. BUT THEY REALLY ARE DUMB.

Today I read Dawn and the Disappearing Dogs. The premise is that one of the wealthiest men in Stoneybrook is no longer so wealthy, so he’s taken to stealing purebred dogs to maintain his lavish lifestyle. This is dumb for many reasons:

  • People usually don’t spend tons of money on adult dogs.
    People who buy dogs, which can be very expensive, usually get puppies. Why would you pay hundreds of dollars for a purebred adult dog from a pet store when you can get a purebred puppy from a breeder for the same price? People who are fine with having an adult dog usually get one from a shelter. Stealing adult dogs to sell through a pet store does not seem lucrative to me.

  • Why bother with dogs when you can just sell drugs?
    Obviously Karl Tate is prepared to break the law and take beloved pets away from their loving families. Instead of the dog scheme, why didn’t he just do something with a little Bolivian Marching Powder, or get involved with the mafia? He does seem like kind of a wuss in the Super Mystery he appears in, though, so maybe that’s why. And it is a BSC book, I guess. Woody Tate, though, seemed to me like he might have had a few grow lights in his closet or something along those lines. But yeah, drugs are probably more lucrative than dogs. Or maybe he could have laundered some money. If you’re going to do illegal stuff, do it BALLS OUT, Karl!

    A lot of this book was really stupid. OH LOOK, a green car that drives slowly! It must be connected with the dog-napping case! And of COURSE the lady who stole Cheryl showed up to the park just as the Krashers were playing their game. Coincidence is hard to pull off in fiction without it seeming lazy and unrealisitic. This book just left me with feeling of, “That’s it?”

    Are there any Mystery books that AREN’T full of fail? I tend to like Claudia mysteries, I think–the museum one, the stolen painting one, the Janine gets a boyfriend one–they were always some of my favorites. What do you think of the Mysteries in general? What struck you as particularly unrealistic or lame?

  • 19 Responses To This Post

    Subscribe to this post comment rss or trackback url
    jessicarae said, June 20th, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    I thought the first mystery, Stacey and the Missing Ring or whatever it is was mildly plausible. Not particularly mysterious, but a lot more plausible than the girls busting a counterfeiting ring and so on.

    I also like Jessi & the Jewel Thieves, since they spend the whole book trying to solve this mystery before anyone DIES and then (spoiler alert) it turns out they’re just rehearsing for a play or something.

    I mentioned this at some point in time in BSC snark, that IMHO most of the mysteries aren’t solved by evidence so much as “plot-advancing epiphanies” that sometimes actually come from evidence, but mostly are just there because it’s already chapter 13 and they have to hurry up and wrap up the story.

    Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said, June 20th, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    I generally find the mysteries completely pointless. I really enjoyed Claudia and the Clue in the Photograph (which could, now that I think about it, be the one where Janine gets a boyfriend). Some of them were bordering on ridiculous. Like Stacey and the Haunted Masquerade, which was like Carrie-lite…

    greer said, June 20th, 2009 at 8:08 pm

    Janine gets a boyfriend in The Mystery of Claudia’s House. I’ve always liked Clue in the Photograph too, though. It’s one I’ve reread a lot and I’m even sure why I like it so much. Maybe because it’s a nice summer book?

    I like Haunted Masquerade, although I feel like the psycho in that book is a lot like the psycho in Kristy and the Vampires, only older.

    Sadako said, June 20th, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    I love bitching about the BSC mysteries! It’s great fun.

    I always really disliked the Mystery at Claudia’s House because the mystery was barely a mystery. Janine acts weird and is seen with a guy and it’s so obvious she has a boyfriend!

    @Laura, yeah, the Haunted Masquerade…so Carrie lite. I also hated how everyone made it seem like that girl almost deserved to have all that bad stuff happen to her.

    Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said, June 20th, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    Sadako and Greer – what I hate about that book is that it’s all cleared up so quickly, that the teachers barely intervened and no one seems to need the slightest bit of…I don’t know, counselling afterwards. That said, it is a bit of a juicy read, one I’ve gone back to a few times.

    greer said, June 20th, 2009 at 11:00 pm

    WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW? still gives me the creeps!

    baseballchica03 said, June 21st, 2009 at 10:19 am

    Greer, I hate The Mystery at Claudia’s House, too. Mallory even suggests about a quarter or halfway through that Janine might have a boyfriend, and everyone dismisses it as crazytalk!

    I like Jessi and the Jewel Thieves because it’s one of the most realistic. It also pokes a little fun at how carried away the girls let themselves get when it comes to mysteries. In general, I think the earlier ones were at least more realistic (if not sometimes stupid like Claudia’s House) than the later ones when they’re cracking major cases better than the Stoneybrook PD.

    Lisa said, June 21st, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    I didn’t read most of the mysteries, but I remember loving Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic. It wasn’t a crime-fighting mystery, and it was sweet and and more authentic than most of them (though I always thought it was completely implausible that the grandparents wouldn’t have seen Mary Anne for 10 years, or that she wouldn’t have asked about her grandparents).

    bbb said, June 21st, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    I love the mysteries. Sometimes I kinda feel like the only one. I wanted Mal and Jessi to have more than one each, Abby had three I think.

    nikki said, June 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 am

    I hardly read any mysteries, I think just the one where MA finds her long lost grannie. so why am I commenting? I have no idea. Except to say:
    Holy Crap! Janine Kishi had a boyfriend!!!!!! Awwww…I find that very sweet.

    baseballchica03 said, June 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Nikki, yes, she did. He was apparently really cute and drove a nice car, too. :-p They ended up breaking up in one of the later mysteries because Janine was too busy for him and he practically had to beg her to go on a picnic with him.

    nikki said, June 22nd, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    Well, I’m very proud of Janine. I had no idea Janine Kishi would ever bag some hottie ass. And how nice of Mallory to at least acknowledge that possibility!

    *hates Mallory a little less now*

    Sadako said, June 22nd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    Yeah, it REALLY bothered me how it was so obvious Janine had a boyfriend. The make up/trying new clothes on, the going to the pizza place when she said she would be at the library, and Claudia seeing her with a guy…it felt like they didn’t actually have a real mystery but were taking a normal plot and making it into a mystery. Ahem. Mallory and the Ghost Cat, anyone?

    Sadako said, June 24th, 2009 at 9:32 am

    Greer, this is off topic, but I just recapped a book, and the cover I used for it didn’t feature Mallory’s pic in the sidebar. Everyone else was there…just not her. It was Little Miss Stoneybrook…and Dawn so Mal is in the BSC at that point and Jessi’s in the sidebar, too. Is this just another case of everyone hating Mallory?

    Myu said, June 25th, 2009 at 7:57 am

    Some of the very early Mysteries are okay – Stacey and the Missing Ring and Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic come to mind.

    wanderingfrog said, June 28th, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    When I saw the title, I totally thought this was going to be a non-BSC post about the ’90s PBS show Ghostwriter.

    HelenB said, June 29th, 2009 at 5:17 am

    I’m not gonna lie: I loved all the mysteries (apart from the last one) and I loved the Super Mysteries EVEN MORE. I think the very first BSC book I read was the MA mystery about the library, although I don’t remember enough about it to remember if it was plausible or not.

    charmecia said, February 26th, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    hmmm if you ask me the kristy mysteries were the most stupid out of them
    and i too liked mary anne and the secret in the attic
    because we get to learn more about her mother
    (how she died and why mary anne ended up living with her parents for awhile)
    i also liked mary anne and the haunted bookstore too
    cause one
    it mentions edgar allan poe
    (one of my favorite authors)
    it made me more curious of edgar’s lifestyle
    and three
    the whole idea is creepy to me
    (a haunted bookstore
    and sound effects)
    dawn and the surfer ghost is also good
    even though thrash was still alive
    p.s. janine with a boyfriend!?
    next thing you know
    mallory will start losing her contacts and braces
    and will start looking more like stacey
    (though i actually like mallory most of the time)
    and mallory and jessi should have more mysteries
    cause their’s was actually quite good
    especially mallory and the ghost cat

    linainverse5 said, May 11th, 2010 at 11:53 am

    i wonder why does everyone hate stacey and the haunted masquerade so much
    (i happen to like it)
    even though they could of treated the girl more nicely)
    to charmecia- i loved mary anne and the secret in the attic too
    (i found it nice that mary anne learns more about her mother
    and also learns that she has grandparents that are still alive
    and even visits them in the end)
    and i loved mary anne and the haunted bookstore
    (i find it really good)
    and i agree that the kristy mysteries are always boring

    Response To This Topic

    Please Note: The comment moderation may be active so there is no need to resubmit your comment