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One thing about me is that there is nothing that fills me with more trepidation and fear than the idea of “roughing it.” I want a bed. I want a toilet. I want a bathtub. My stepmom was my sister’s girl scout troop leader for a while, and when asked if she was going to take the girls camping, her response was “Only if by ‘camping’ you mean waiting in line for a really great sale at Neiman’s to open,” and that is my philosophy as well.

So obviously, my least favorite Super Special is Island Adventure. I don’t want to read about them having to ration granola bars and eating (ew! yuck!) freshly-caught fish. That is just entirely unappealing to me. It is not my idea of an ADVENTURE. It is my idea of TORTURE. I like being in the middle of the a big city with lots of good shopping options, not marooned on an island off the coast of Connecticut. Isn’t living in Connecticut torture enough?

The second reason I dislike this book is because it displays probably the worst examples of parenting in the entire series. Seriously, there is some “call Child Protective Services IMMEDIATELY”-level awfulness going on here. Mr. and Mrs. Ramsey are normally level-headed, responsible parents, at least for Stoneybrook. And yet they let Jessi baby-sit for Becca and Squirt for an entire weekend. Despite the weirdness of the Stoneybrook/BSC time warp, where by the time you’re 13, you may as well just be labeled an adult, anybody who reads this book has to stop and go, “Wait. BITCH IS ELEVEN YEARS OLD.” My sister just turned twelve, and there is no WAY she’d be allowed to stay home alone overnight, let alone take care of an eight-year-old and a toddler as well.

Then, also, of course, Becca was on the boat. I wouldn’t let my kid go sailing with a bunch of 13-year-olds who just passed Beginner’s Sailing, or whatever. Just… no. Sailing is DANGEROUS. They are on the OPEN OCEAN. Then Aunt Cecelia comes, and goes, “What kind of fuckery is THIS?!” and makes some seriously valid points, yet we are supposed to go, “Oh, that silly Aunt Cecelia/Dictator, always overreacting!” NO. AUNT CECELIA IS THE ONLY SANE ADULT LEFT IN STONEYBROOK. And at this point in the series, Aunt Cecelia is still living in Bridgeport, which means that there aren’t ANY SANE STONEYBROOK RESIDENTS. The lunatics are running the asylum! And then asking thirteen-year-olds for parenting advice.

No points to the Braddocks or the Newtons, either. You guys also suck at parenting. Stop listening to thirteen-year-old girls. Youtube commentators would be more helpful in terms of improving your parenting skills than the BSC.

Also, Dawn and Mary Anne’s fight just makes me hate Logan even more.

Lastly, it bugs me that the events of this book are barely ever mentioned afterward. You’d think that being stranded on a deserted island for three days or so would be a life-changing experience. But… no. Haley is even a super bitch to Claudia in Claudia and the Little Liar, and you’d think that this MAJOR TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE THEY WENT THROUGH TOGETHER would have led to some bonding or something.

So yeah, I hate this book. Everything about it is terrible, from the parenting decisions to the lack of food/fashion/boys to the fact that it could have never been written and the series wouldn’t have been affected because this seemingly major event didn’t really register on anyone involved’s psyches.