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Browsing in Snark

There are certain things which happen with regularity in children’s series about middle schoolers aimed at young girls that do not really happen in real life all that often. Here is a but a short list, culled from readings of The Baby-Sitters Club and GirlTalk. Other tropes or other series/tv shows in which these things happen are welcome and encouraged in the comments.

Modeling.
Since there is usually at least one main character who breathtakingly beautiful (while also being intelligent and modest), modeling is a good, exciting plot to turn to. Because what young girl doesn’t want to be judged solely on her looks? GirlTalk blew this wad early, in the third book of the series, The New You. Allison Cloud models after being selected in a Belle modeling search. She could have gone on to have a real modeling career, but the she wouldn’t have time to read 100 books over summer vacation.

Stacey was so pretty that Scholastic felt justified in using this plot twice. The first was in the tv show, where Stacey was selected to model for Bellair’s and also could have gone on to have a big career, but chose baby-sitting instead. Much more glamorous. Then in Stacey and the Fashion Victim, she participates in Stoneybrook’s Fashion Week. Yeah.

Another important plot point is that the only other girl in the modeling group that your modeling character knows is the sworn enemy of the series’ main clique. Stacy Hansen in GT, Cokie Mason in BSC. They’re bitches, and they’re beautiful.

A fun twist to this plot is that in Stacey and the Bad Girls, Stacey is rejected as a model, for being “too commercial.” What, perms aren’t edgy?!

Beauty Pageants.
When I think of beauty pageants, I think of Delta Burke and Bravo’s series Toddlers and Tiaras. And the South. But in middle grade girls’ fiction, geography knows no bounds. Every town has a beauty pageant, and every girl wants to enter. Now, since sometimes the BSC takes on a feminist slant, in the BSC beauty pageant plot, it’s clients who are entering, and Mal and Jessi form the beauty pageant opposition.

But in the GirlTalk book Beauty Queens, Allison and Sabrina both enter and it’s a big fucking deal and stuff. I don’t remember what Allison’s talent was–reading? I think Sabrina gets Miss Congeniality. Whatever. I haven’t read that book in ten years.

Synchronized Swimming.
Have you ever done synchronized swimming? No? Well, in middle school book girl world, schools have synchronized swimming teams. Wtih costumes. And underwater stereo systems. Perhaps there were editors out there with Esther Williams fantasies. Again, it’s our Allison who does this sport, in Allison, Shape Up!. Jessi, our ballerina, gets this plot in Jessi’s Gold Medal. Of course, these girls take to “synchro” (that’s what the cool kids call it) and win medals and shit. But because it’d be too boring a plot to include in chapter 2s, no matter how good at synchro-ing your heroine is, it’s always a one-book deal.

Horseback Riding.
According to movies and tv shows and books, before girls love boys, they love horses. Randy, because she likes to be surprising, had this plot in GirlTalk. Surprisingly, it was a multi-book arc for her. The other girls tried it, but sucked. Mallory also tried it, and naturally sucked. Mallory and the Dream Horse is easily one of the most snarkable books of the series. Who can forget Mallory, dressed like she is from the 1965 Sears and Roebuck catalog, hanging out at a cool rich kid’s birthday party where everyone else is dressed like they are auditioning for “Kids Incorporated”?

Poor Mom, Rich New Dad.
Is your mom a harried, overworked, lonely single mother? Have no fear, because soon a really rich dude will walk into her life, marry her after like a week of dating, and soon you will all be moving to an awesome mansion, which you will have to share with your new stepsiblings. If you’re a main character in a middle grade book series, at least. Both Katie Campbell and Kristy Thomas watched as their moms were swept off their feet, and soon they had to leave the little houses they had known all their lifes for mansions. Oh noes. Katie’s new stepdad’s mansion is way cooler than Watson’s, if you didn’t read GirlTalk. It has an elevator, an indoor pool, and is fully staffed. I want to go to there.

What is your opinion on snark? This is something which is very popular among BSC fans, especially on the BSC livejournal. There are whole sites based on snark, many of which are linked in my blogroll. I happen to still be on the fence when it comes to BSC snark, however.

I like a good parody once in a while–the series of Karen stories on ff.net are a favorite of mine–but at the same time, sometimes the jokes just devolve into, “Jessi’s black, Claudia’s clothes are ugly, the BSC is soo stupid…” Then why are you reading it? Why are you spending your time writing about the series? Sometimes snark just crosses the line into negativity, and that’s when I lose interest. That’s when it stops being interesting and funny, and stops being an in-joke for fans–something that bonds fans. Then it just seems to be intended to make you feel like a jerk for actually ENJOYING the series.

Sometimes I feel like it’s just “cool” to snark, to be a hater of the series. Whatever, don’t front.

You know you love it.

So a new community just got started on livejournal: BSC Snark. In all honesty, I’m actually not that big on snark. A little snark here and there is fine, but I actually adore these books. Snark with love, perhaps, is the flavor of snark I go for. But anyway, I was reading a post about Karen’s Bunny by Lilysela when I saw this picture:

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Now, I have never been a fan of Susan Tang’s interior artwork for the LS books. It always seems like she got bored after drawing the face of the character and just scribbled the rest. Looking at these illustrations, I get the impression that I, too, could make a living being an illustrator if these drawings are considered good enough to be used throughout a series that lasts for over a hundred books. But just look at this picture! I realize that yes, this scene actually does happen in the book. That does not mean, however, that it is not a weird and disturbing image. The look on Andrew’s face, the fact that he seems to be gripping onto something imaginary, his tiger face, everything… it’s all just… WRONG.